Tuesday, April 26, 2011
My husband Ron is still the BEST thing that has ever happened to me. And from my son Robert, who chose to die on this day, I have learned the MOST important lessons we came to this earth to learn. I have learned lessons of Christ's love and of His atonement that I could never have experienced otherwise.
Last night I had a sweet dream. I spent a long time with a very kind and wonderful young man. It seemed as though we walked along a river or lake. That is all I remember--walking and talking with this sweet man. I don't know if it was my son--I hope it was my son. But I do remember the kindness he showed to me, and I woke with a warm, sweet feeling!
I don't think I can visit the grave today. It's not where I find the most peace, because my son in not there. Years before he died, when he was a very difficult teenager, I prayed to know if I had been given a Laman or a Lemuel. An answer FIRED back into my mind that NO, he was an Alma the Younger! That has given me more peace and comfort than almost anything else these long twelve years since he died.
I have to believe, I want to believe, and in my heart of hearts I do believe, that he is now like the great prophet Alma--busy teaching, preaching and helping others come to know of our Savior Jesus Christ! I do know that God lives. I do know that we live on after death! My son's death has come so close to Easter this year, and it has been a reminder that because of Jesus Christ, he will live again--I will live again--we all will live, because of Jesus! Thank dear blessed Lord! Thank you!
This has been a month filled with the best of times, and the worst of times. Life is almost always like that! I haven't blogged for awhile, because I have been in the middle of a project that Ron says, has made me happier than he's seen me in years! It is a project that I can't wait to share with all of you, and the Lord willing, many, many others! News of it will be coming soon!
And, the very best thing of all, is the birth of our sweet new granddaughter Anne! Pictures and her story will be coming soon too! So stay tuned!
And, to my Robert if he gets to read this: God Bless you and comfort you, and all those who love you, today my son!
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Reading this quote again makes me so grateful that he is mindful of us, and I am certain that he especially watches over his sweet children! I thank my Heavenly Father for these sweet tender mercies! Please don't forget Rob. I'd still love to have your stories! If you've have sacred experiences with Robert since his passing, I will treasure them, and keep them privately for our family!!!!! Please share!
At the April 2006 General Conference, President James E. Faust, quoting Joseph F. Smith, confirmed,
"In ancient and modern times angels have appeared and given instruction, warnings, and direction, which benefited the people they visited. We do not consciously realize the extent to which ministering angels affect our lives. President Joseph F. Smith said, “In like manner our fathers and mothers, brothers, sisters and friends who have passed away from this earth, having been faithful, and worthy to enjoy these rights and privileges, may have a mission given them to visit their relatives and friends upon the earth again, bringing from the divine Presence messages of love, of warning, or reproof and instruction, to those whom they had learned to love in the flesh."
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Monday, August 2, 2010
I went to the cemetery tonight to visit Robert. I don't do that very often, it has just been way too painful, but my heart has been aching for him these last couple of months. We received the letter from the church on July 23rd, that his sealing to his wife has been cancelled and we can feel his sorrow.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
This is Robert & Kristi at Aunt Carolee's wedding. Great-Grandma Rose Fairbourn used to call them storybook children because they were so cute! They had the time of their lives at this wedding, running around and eating and generally enjoying the adoration that was heaped upon them !
Thursday, March 4, 2010
My redheaded boys sitting at Grandma Holt's table testing their strength! I miss seeing them together! But, I'm glad Robert is with grandma because they loved each other so much! I miss them both! Did you notice the sunflowers on the table and the sunflower towels? Grandma was such a fun person. For most of the years I knew her sunflowers were her kitchen theme. She loved to make her home cheerful and pretty and it was always important to her to keep it clean and inviting! I loved that about her and learned a great deal from her. I hope she is teaching that to Robert better than I could because his room was ALWAYS messy! I'd give anything to see that mess now.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Sunday, February 21, 2010
When Rob was 16, the High Priests in our Ward undertook a service project to help a family with 3 or 4 children that had moved into a home in West Valley. This family had experienced some difficult financial problems in California, so they sold all their funiture, beds, etc. and moved to Salt Lake in their car in search of a better life. The local Bishop helped them rent an apartment, and get some food. Our Quorum decided to funish their home as best we could. After canvasing the ward for items, Robert helped us deliver them to the family. Afterwards, Robert came home and loaded into his car his own television and VCR that he had undoubtedly acquired and repaired from a used store. He delivered them to this family in the late afternoon without telling anyone. Several days later, I noticed them missing from his bedroom, and I asked him about them. He explained to me what he did and simply said, "I felt they needed them more than me".
When Robert was a senior in high school, he represented Hillcrest in the annual Vocational Industrial Clubs of America ( VICA ) in the field of "Electonics, Product Servicing". He took first place in the regional tournament, and then went to compete in the State Tournament. After the competion there was an awards ceremony in the auditorium of a high school in Provo. Our family was sitting with him in the back. Obviouly, we were very excited as we waited for the results. When the announcer began the awards for Robert's catagory, he began by first announcing the third place winner. The recipient made his way to the front of the stage, and received his award. Next, the second place winner was announced. Robert got up as well and started walking toward the front, but a little slower. When they announced the first place winner, which was Robert, he was almost on the stage. After he received his award, he returned to sit with us iin the back. I asked him why he started walking to the front before his name was called and he simply said, "When they announced the 2nd place winner, I knew I had won, because I was a lot better than him". Robert was able to represent the state of Utah in the National VICA competion in Kentucky latter that year.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
I remember the morning, in the year 2000, when I looked out my window and was startled to see snow! How could this be? Where had spring, which I love best, and early summer and golden autumn gone? And, I remember feeling astonished to realize those seasons had slipped by in that dark time of illness and grief. I remember for several years how I could not tolerate the scent of even one single flower, when before I had loved flowers of every kind and hue! I’d loved their tender beauty, their soft petals and their fragrance—how I’d always loved them until that month I found my house filled with gorgeous hothouse blooms wafting the cloying scent of funeral. I remember when spring came again that year, how painful my beautiful season of hope and joy had become. So every year for ten years, as soon as the first crocus would begin to push out of the cold earth, I’d begin to mourn. And, gradually over the last few years, by the time April came, Robert’s April—Robert’s month of birth—and death, there were no tears or sorrow by then because I had cried them out in February and March.
Eventually, I could not resist my former love—their soft petals and sweet fragrance wooed me again and I knew I STILL love flowers! And then spring—oh glorious spring, it came again to my heart, after February and March wrenched it so. And, then this year—this year as the crocus peeked through the earth, I was startled again. I smiled it a welcome! This is the season of renewal, the season of hope, the season of the Lord’s resurrection and redemption!
And, the season that I have finally started to remember! To remember my firstborn baby boy—the boy I loved—the boy I still love with a mother’s heart. And so I started the “Remembering Robert” blog. It’s February and I’m not crying, I’m looking at his sweet baby pictures and reveling in memories—good memories! Though I know it’s hard, please, please share your good memories too—even the little scraps that might not seem like much are precious to me! And each story and memory is bringing a smile to my face this year instead, of a tear!
I think of his smile: that little grin that always made me feel like he knew some secret that pleased him to know.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Here is a Robert memory. When he came to my house, he loved my summer squash casserole. At first, I think he was afraid to try it. But once he did, he couldn't get enough of it. I remember him chilling out on my family room couch watching videos with the boys. My family room isn't there anymore, but lots of memories are.
From the moment Robert was born, he was curious!!!! His dad remembers watching him as the nurse took him to the nursery, where he was weighed and bathed and dressed. Ron said he just kept looking all around, I know babies aren't supposed to see much, but right from the very first moments of life---Robert wanted to see and experience all of it that he could!